November

      November feels like it has been a particularly trying month for me. So much stuff has happened this month. It feels like there has been a lot of emotional turmoil mashed in with all the regular sort of stresses that go on with a regular sort of life. As November finally comes to a close some of the turmoil has been figured out and resolved and some continues along the same path and I am still struggling with it but it will come with time. What I do know for certain is that I am a good person and I am secure in who I am. If you keep treating me like I am only good enough for you some of the time then that just means one of these days when you think you need me I may not be there anymore. I love with all my heart and being made to feel like I am not good enough is hurtful and unacceptable.
     Okay onto the upcoming positives: I am looking forward to Christmas and having people over. Very excited for J's family to come and spend Christmas with us! I am hoping December doesn't feel too crazy this year. Usually so many things get planned it feels like there is not enough time to do it all but I really enjoy seeing everyone I care about in the festive spirit. I think I blew our budget this month (not very positive lol) buying presents but I am close to done (positive) so that is nice and I am sure that our budget will be back on track very soon.

Positivity

      The response from my last post has been very positive and it reminds me that my circle of friends is not as small as it sometimes seems. I appreciate your support and appreciate your feedback. Thank you for reminding me that there are even more things in my life that I have to be thankful for. Not that I wasn't thankful for each of you before just needed a reminder of how thankful I really should be.

Negativity

     So overall our life is good right now. Really I feel like I shouldn't complain and that maybe I should just stay positive because of all the good but you know I am human. So that being said currently I am feeling rather negative. Trouble with friends, trouble with home appliances and trouble with my hubby have made this a rough week. The broken washing machine sucks but it is not the end of the world because we still have our old apartment sized one and it works so yes I am grateful that we can still do laundry but when you have a household of 5 ... having a larger capacity washing machine is nice. The thing with the friends will work itself out one way or another in the end. It is just hard knowing that your friends are hurting and it sucks that sometimes the fact that they are hurting leads them to hurting you. Friendships are hard sometimes and it is  hard not knowing if things can be repaired between friends. Only time will tell. Now onto the trouble with J. It basically was resolved as quickly as it happened but I think the reason we were having an issue was because he was not impressed with the friend trouble and it had him upset so we were talking and he had raised his voice and was talking with his hands and so I thought he was mad at me which of course upset me. So I asked why he was mad with me and then he said he wasn't and why did I always think that he was mad at me. Seriously things just kind of snowballed from there and ended with me bawling. Yes I have been a bit of a crybaby this week. Oh well apologies were said and things are a bit better now but it is fair to say emotionally I remain a bit of a mess. Marriage is another thing that is hard.
     Stress is not a friend of mine and as many of you know I am a bit of a worrier which causes stress. Uuuggghhh! Anyway recently a relative of J's was diagnosed with diabetes which of course prompted J to get his butt to the doctor. His appointment went well and the doctor was very positive and figures that J is fine but of course sent him for some blood work anyway just to make sure. He was supposed to go on Monday but he kind of messed up his fasting by eating breakfast without even thinking about it. Seriously we had to laugh about that. He is definitely a creature of habit. Anyway since he had today off and he remembered to not eat breakfast he actually made it in for the blood work. They took blood and then made him stick around and do the nasty sugar filled drink and then took more blood. I really hope he will be just fine but needless to say this is definitely something that worries me a lot. This has been an especially difficult year and it would be nice if it would start feeling a bit easier sometime soon.

Also

Have I ever mentioned that I hate time change? Well I do! It is depressing because it gets dark way too early in the evening and in the end I can honestly say that I have not found one single thing I like or appreciate about it. Time should just stay the same year round!

The 1st Snow Has Fallen

So it is no big secret that I am not a huge fan of snow. Well maybe that isn't totally true. More true may be I am not a huge fan of winter. I do love snow. It makes everything look fresh and bright. Snow also means that our home feels even more cozy and I love seeing the kids rosy cheeks when they come in after being out in the snow. It also means hot chocolate ... mmmmm! I also love that snow brings with it the sledding season. I love watching the kids have so much fun on the hill. Really I guess the only time I really hate snow is when there is so much that the roads get really awful. Winter I despise because it lasts sooo long. Every year (well for a long time anyway) I would get really blue starting sometime in February because that is when I usually am ready for the winter to be done with. Since I have realized that this seems to be a regular occurrence February hasn't been so bad. Now I see it coming and deal with it a lot better. I bet J is a lot happier too now that I am dealing better with the winter blues since it was usually with him that I got the most frustrated. Also it gives him an out and he can just blame my crabiness on winter and know that it most likely isn't anything he said or did. It is crazy that a season can have such a crazy affect on a person and then of course it affects everything around that person if they can't get it under control. It is like the sadness spreads like a disease or something and the only way to properly deal with it is to recognize the issue and then deal with it before it becomes a problem. Thankfully I am able to deal with it better now and though I still tend to hate winter, I am able enjoy it more easily.