Sleep

      The house is quiet now as all of the kids are at school and I have no extra kids until just before 1pm. My nephew is sick so I will watch him today while my sis gets to be parent helper at preschool. Seriously whoever thinks a stay at home mom has all the free time in the world is out of their mind. Anyway that is a blog topic for some other day when I feel the need to rant.
     Today I am wondering if any of you are like me? When I go to bed at night I usually fall asleep with some song in my head and when I wake up there is usually some other song stuck in my head. Sometimes it is a song I love and waking up with it makes for a good start to the day. Other days I just shake my head and wonder why, oh why would that song be stuck in my head? Today was one of the rare days that I woke up without a song and I really wish that I had. Good song or bad song ... really either way would have been better than what I woke up with stuck in my head. I had a dream that  my husband decided that he was leaving. He said he loved me but that he wasn't in love with me and he figured I felt the same so that was that. I let him go because I didn't want  him to  continue on with his life feeling stuck knowing that the very thought of him leaving breaks my heart. I find often when I dream that the way I react to awful stuff in my dream is quite different from how I think I may act if the dream were to happen in real life. Like my dream this morning for example. There is no way I would give up that easily, I would fight for us because I honestly can NOT imagine my life without J. Now I could probably get super sappy and go on for a long time about how much I love him but  with all the mushiness it would probably make you a little green . To sum it up he is my everything. A lot of the songs I wake up with stuck in my head are songs I may never have heard if it wasn't for him. Sometimes I think about writing down all the songs that are stuck in my head when I go to sleep and when I wake, just to see what the soundtrack to my sleep is. Oh well time to hit the showers - Zumba was good this morning even though I didn't feel like going. Thanks reading the ramblings of my crazy mind. Hope you have a good day!

Summer

Seriously? Has the whole summer come and gone already? I am kind of feeling like I blinked and missed a lot of summer. We only made it to the lake once, what a bummer. Well our summer started off with a trip to Saskatchewan to visit family and to remember J's Grandma. Her memorial was on July 2 and it went well. It was sad to have to say goodbye to such a wonderful lady and I can honestly say I am so happy that I got to know her. She is resting right near my Grandpa and my Great Grandpa and I find it comforting to know that these special people I love are resting so close to each other. The day after Grandmas memorial was awful for me, my Aunt had a couple seizures and was rushed to Edmonton for tests and the results were devastating. We found out that her cancer had spread to her brain and the two seizures she suffered were because of the swelling that the brain tumors caused. We tried to remain hopeful but it was not looking good and facing that reality was something I hope to never have to deal with ever again. More tests revealed that the cancer had spread all over in her abdomen and she was aching in her bones because of cancer there. So after some radiation treatments they sent her back home (well to the hospital in her town) to be with her friends and family so everyone could say their goodbyes.   Watching Aunty go through all that pain and just disappear from us was heartbreaking. It is so hard being there watching your loved one fade away, you just feel helpless. It is even harder knowing how young and full of life that person is and how much they still want to be with you and everyone else they love. I am grateful for the very few last good moments I had with her. I am glad she knows how much we loved her and on one of her last good days she was able to tell the kids and I that she loved us too and that meant the world to me. I was sad that J wasn't able to be with us there that day, it would have been good for him.  Aunty passed away on August 12th. Since then it just seems unreal. I still can't imagine a world without her and yet here I am in that world. I miss her so much everyday. She meant the world to me. She was there for everything throughout my life. She was there when I was born, for almost all of my birthdays, my grad, my wedding helping make sure my dress was hemmed and fixed perfect for the big day. She was there for me when my own Mom was having issues and couldn't be there. She was also there when I had my kids. Always there just a phone call or a short drive away, ready with a cup of tea or a glass of iced tea ready to offer whatever was needed be it advice or a shoulder to cry on.  I could never call and talk to her for only a few minutes, our conversations were always long and enjoyable. I miss her immensely.
       

             So needless to say this was a difficult summer for my family but not all of it was bad. Our visit in Sask went well and we had a great visit with so many people that mean a lot to us. J and I even got a little time away from the kids (thanks to his parents) and we got to spend some quality time with J & J in the big city.  As always time seemed to go by too quickly while we are there and we were sad to have to go home when we did but I guess that just indicates that it was indeed a good visit. After we got back I spent as much time as possible visiting or just sitting with Aunty. At the end of July we attended A & A's wedding and had a great time. The beginning of August brought G his first hospital stay, surgery for a broken arm. He handled everything like a real trooper and almost as quickly as it happened it was taken care of and we were back at home. Only six more days and he should be out of the cast. The weekend following the broken arm brought Aunty's passing and also a visit from my wonderful friend A from Ontario. It was so nice to have her here for support. We got to meet her boyfriend finally and he seems really nice. It makes me happy to know that she has finally found a good guy. J is growing like a weed (12 already) and I still love him to bits just like the very first day I met him.
             

        Last weekend was Auntys memorial. We went out and camped at the hall for the whole weekend. The kids really enjoyed that. I was overwhelmed by the turn out. Aunty was so well liked by so many in our community and it was so good to see so many friendly faces there to remember such a wonderful person. Aunty wanted a celebration of life and that is what we did. After a nice memorial service we had an awesome potluck supper and then a dance after and there was a lot of laughter and joy. Something that would have had Aunty grinning from ear to ear.
              Well this is then end of my rambling for this evening. Hopefully it all makes sense. I am hoping to write a little more often now that summer is over and we will be getting back in the school routine and I am hoping that I actually get back to feeling like writing more. Part of the reason it has been so long since my last post is because I have been feeling either negative or rather blah to say the least. Hopefully the fall brings some good things (and positive feelings) for our family and yours. Cheers and have a good one!